Rantage:

Rantage 1: Twilight

 

Also known as... Twifail, TwiCrap, Twicycle, Twiangle, Or The Love Story of a Pedo and a Necrophile...

Twilight as we know, have plagued the modern society of girls... All type of girls except smart ones. What we take a deep look at is...

What is Twilight? In a Sane MAN'S point of view... It's a fail... Nuff said. Now for you non-sane ones...

Twilight starts off with a girl who doesnt know wtf she's doing. She happens to roll dices in her head and make conincidental descisions and those turn out to be a 32 year old mormon's wet dreams... Err.. Okay.. So this chick who I assume is hawt just for the sake of reading the book goes to her dad in a town named FORK... Stick it up your arse. Anyhow... So she does everything an indescisive fail emo girl does. And starts school... Guess what bitch, There're more losers in the world worse than you... Then she see's the All Mighty Beautiful Pale And Handsome Tall And AWesome... Edward Cullen...

Ok so lots of crushing stuff happens and Edward Cullen hates her...

Then Eddie dissapears D:

Wtf

Then
Eddie reappears... And acts nice to her.

She gets more confused (If that's possible)

Now... They make up and start going out with each other... (I forgot... sorry =[ )

Omg A dude(Mysteriously Named James) appears... Dies... Then her mate wants to kill Fella Swan..

So blah blah blah you know what comes out of a 32 year old teenager's mind...

Characters:

Isabella Swann:

Also known as the town whore thanks to a dude named Mike.
She is supposedly rascist against Black People, White People and Asian People...
Her Preferences are: Werewolves(Also Known As Whorewolves)
Vampires
Dead People
Half Dead People
Dogs
Doggy Style
Brown Shtuff =D

Ok let's get this straight...
She's

A Geriophile... How?
Definition of Geriophile... Teenager Loving anyone over 70
o_O
Nuff said

A Necrophile... How?
Definition of Necrophile... Love for Dead Shit
PedoEddie's(We'll Get to Him Later) a dead vampire who can produce sperm(Strange?)

A Playa:
For playing Jacob Black

A Noob:
For Using Dial-up

An Emo:
For cutting herself

[01:26] <@texichan> i was thinking why bella could be around the vampires full months, even during girl weeks, and nothing. but then she cuts her finger and blammo?

...
She should die already... Wait.. She's a vampire... =D

Edward "PedoEddie" Cullen:

For those of you who read Jane Eyre... The Uncanny similarities between Edward Fairfax Rochester... Is uncanny...

Now. now now... What do we have here? A Pedophile... Now... It's a pedophile.. I MEAN
GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD TWILIGHT LOVERS!!!

Ok He's vampire... He haz no heart.. No hear beats no blood flow.. How the fuck does he get an erection to fuck Bella Swan and produce Renesmee? [Courtesy of Calamity]

[01:24] <@Creep|Work> maybe he has had a hard on for 80 years and thats why he is so irresistable

[01:27] <@Grumble_The_Grubby_Goat> What will a vampire do to a girl on Periods?
[01:28] <@Grumble_The_Grubby_Goat> Neck or Crotch?

[01:28] <@Grumble_The_Grubby_Goat> An overage teenage mormon named Stefailnie Meyer.
[01:29] <@AbbyTritonus> I mean ... it's only a fucking book ...[01:29] <@Grumble_The_Grubby_Goat> A Book... A religion... A Cult.

[01:31] <@texichan> it's really mormon propaganda underneath with sex and supernatural to entice the wee ones.

I AM TECHNICALLY 102 AND I LOVE A 17 YEAR OLD!
WTF

WHAT ARE MORMONS TAUGHT NAOWADAYS!?

Ok back on track again... Now he leaves for an adventure...
What does he do?

Supposedly he goes tracking...
But

What he does is...

Visit Nightclubs : All Vampires Do That (UnderWorld)
Visit More Chicas: To see if anyone else is a geriophile/necrophile
Visit Bangladesh : For the awesome goats

Now after these... He goes back to Bollock Swann ...

Jacob "The Loser" Ballack/Black

Ok FootballLovers: Ballack Never Saw A Trophy in his life.. Nuff said.

Now...

This is the story...
OF ANOTHER MUTHERFUCKING PEDOPHILE WTF!?

Heres how it goes in The 4th Book..

Jacob Black: ;-; I love you Bella
Bella: I LOVE YOU TOO!
* Bella gets pregnant
Bella: LOOK MY DAUGHTER
Jacob Black: Bella I Lo... FUCK OFF BITCH
Jacob Black: Omg you're the hottest newborn baby I've ever seen!
Jacob Black: I love you Rennch/Wench/Renesme/Nessie/Necrophile/DogShagger

So You see... He loves a ... Infant.... Infantophile?

I MEAN

IS IT EVEN ALLOWED?! I BET SHE'S AS BIG AS HIS DICK IS!

Okay that wasn't neccessary...

kthxbai

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