Rantage :

Rantage 8: Indiafail

 

Indians

Indians are.. No they're not the people who pack your groceries and stuff... Those are Mexicans.. Anyhow, Indians are usually the people who're at the cash counter saying
"Thank you, piliz cum agen!"
Annoying, ei? Well heres the truth.

Habitat:
Indians originate from India. But they actually live in England.. Those who fail to find a house, lives in call centres.. Every Indian is born with a dream. Much like the All-American Dream, this is called.. The All-Indian Scheme-Dream.

The All-Indian Scheme Dream:
Every Indian, from birth to being burned into cinders, will say "YAY INDIA! INDIA FOR THE WIN! INDIA INDIA INDIA INDIA OWNS YOU ALL!". The funny thing is, they say that in a British Accented English. Yes, English, because Hindi is too sacred and uncool to use. Well, lets assume their country is all great and awesome(Hard to imagine, I know) .. Ask them why they're gonna throw a long rant(much like this one) about how India rocks and England sucks because Britts opressed them 'n all. Well.. If Britts suck, why is there a place in India called: East Ham where Indians reside? I know that Pakistanis moved to India cause the sheep outnumbered the Pakis. Hyprocritism is what it is, much like Paris Hilton's vagina, which sings "IM INNOCENT" Indians do this.
Anyhow, back to the The All-Indian Scheme Dream, okay so every Indian thinks their country is epic win... Until they're 18. They mature and they're like "FUUUUUUUCK! THEY HAVE FOOD IN ENGLAND?! IM MOVIN'!" so yeah, when you're 18 and Indian and living in India still, your IQ is under 20.

Indians:
Ever had your a problem and called a tech support to hear a guy say
"Helew, hau mey eye help yew?"
and after explaining everything in detail, he says
"Eye am soorry, piliz talk a bit solower, my Engrish iz weak"
And then you utter a long string of profanities
"Piliz do not youse bad language, it is bad"
You hang up and call again in hope of someone sane
"Helew, hau mey eye help yew?"

As you can see, Indians are totally rad about call centres and all. But how did a nation who's maximum technology was throwing stones at the sun in hopes of rain manages to run such a vastly complicated thing as a headphone? Everyone knows that Indians started off as snake charmers and all... If you called a call center, you might've heard their distinct breathing..."fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Please Come Again Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu haaaaaaa" Yes, Indo-breathing. Back when they played the flute for snake charming, they use the same method to talk to you. Apparently an Indian eye cannot discern the difference between a Homo-Sapien and a Snake. Homo-Indians are that dumb... If Darwin went to India, he'd put Indians before Humans and after monkeys. Some Indians reportedly have a tail, they hide it in Turbans.

Indian Music:
Indian music consists of a long string of "I love you you're so bla bla bla" sortof like an Indian Akon. Then quickly followed by a string of Engrish, like "MY LOVE, MY LOVE, MY ANUS INSERTED LOVE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfp3QXcWTug "
Also, they enjoy putting 5 foot tall shirtless midgets dancing in their music videos. No, Im not talking about Al Pacino.

Bangladesh:
We were rejected by Indians cause we were ahead in the Evolutionary Race. :/

Punjabs:
These smart people came up with 3 solutions:
Bad Hair Days
Shampooing
Showers
They think that wearing a turban means they dont require to shower or shampoo. And they speak Engrish like
"ARI ARI HOW ARI ARI YEW ? EYE ARI ARI GOODDAH!"
It is said that A large mass of Punjabs dived into the Indian Ocean cause they went emo over freedom and ended up in England.. Where they found the wonderful contraption called Taxis.
At first, the Punjabs thought that it was freaking epic win carrying a carriage by hand and taking people places. Then one day, an American came to tour and turned on the ignition, then stepped on the pedal. 5 Punjabs got ran over, which taught them that "OH ANNA ENGINNA EXISTAS!"... The American dutifully went back to New York.

Another large mass of Punjabs went to New York riding a Killer whale and sought out that New Yorker who owned a Taxi Company and killed him and started their own Taxi Business in America.
Punjabs smell.

Tamils:
WTF H4X?! THESE GUYS ARE MEANT TO BE TERRORISTS!!! WTF H4X H4X H4X! ohwait, these are Indians who never learned how to speak Hindi or English.

Cricket:
So another thing Indians stole from England. This sport as everyone knows is a sad cross between Golf and Baseball.
Two people stand by three sticks. A person runs and throws a ball and then the dude infront of the sticks only hits the ball if it has a possibility of hitting his testicles(Made famous by Rahul Dravid)
Another cricket legend named Sachin Tendulkar apparently made this sport famous because he was kicked out of Golf cause he went on a rampage in a golf cause he was unfed for 18 days.

Indian Food:
Indian food consists of putting Rice into everything. They have a trap called
Chinese Food Resteraunts:
Well, Indians grow shitloads of rice. Everyone knows that. So, Chinese people, in hopes of finding and eating a grain of rice goes to India. When they reach a rice field, they encounter a scarecrow, thinking it's their long lost brother who went out on the Great Rice Quest, the Chink tries to hug it. Then a group of Indians run and come out screaming "CHINEEEEEEEZA FOODA!" and chops the Chinese into little duck shaped pieces.
One Chinese serves 16,000 Indian's tummies.

Conclusion:
If you grow up to work in an Airport, whenever you see an Indian. Take him as a random check, probe every hole in his body for rice.
If you work in the immigration, ask him how great his country is. Then when he finishes his 3 day long speech. Send him back to his country with the reason that his country rocks. Or just scream TERRORIST!

Ever wondered how to instant kill an Indian? Burn a pic of Amitabh Bacchan or Sachin Tendulkar.